Happy 2006 guys...

Just wanted to wish all you guys a happy new year, from the bottom of my heart. Durm, nicko and morales's resolution needs to be to actually post something on this board.... literally anything will do.

And on that note, I hope everyone took advantage of the 24 non-stop hours of A Christmas Story glory. Seriously ... pretty dece cinematic achievement. Every scene is golden. And that Ralphie -- never a dull joke, he is always on! And of course, I found myself rolling in laughter at the Chinese restaurant scene. I wish I had a video clip of it to watch all year round. But this short little audio clip is the closest I found. Merry Christmas, all.

Ho Ho HOOOOOOOOO

Happy StaxmcHuh and a Merry Christmas to all you creeps out there!

Dodgers = The Real Cheaters

Denicola, for all the shit you talk about the Giants being, in your words, "dirty, dirty cheaters," your own Dodgers are doing a pretty good job of imitating said "cheaters." In fact, it appears that, piece by piece, the Dodgers are slowly but surely assembling the 2002 World Series team from San Francisco. Don't believe me? Take a look:

- First, as we all know, they signed Jeff Kent last year, who left the Giants after 2002. Admittedly, this has turned out to be a good investment for the Dodgers, despite his porn-star mustache and tendency to crash his motorcycles while doing wheelies...and then lie about it.

- Next, in a stroke of sheer brilliance, the Dodgers go straight for the family jewels and sign away Giants' assistant GM to replace Paul DePathetica. Now, Ned Colletti is a good executive, but his expertise was more in the area of negotiating contracts, not talent evaluation. He's sorta like the guy from Human Resources whose job it is to figure out holiday bonuses for employees. But if you want him that badly, I guess you can have him.

- Not to be stopped, the Dodgers have just signed Bill Mueller, the starting third baseman for, yep, the 2002 NL Champion San Francisco Giants.

- And now, still not deterred by their own shamelessness, the Dodgers are pursuing not only J.T. Snow (who had been with the Giants longer than anyone but Bonds), but also Kenny Lofton and Reggie Sanders, the starting outfielders for.... wait for it..... THE 2002 SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS.

Am I the only one who sees this?! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. What's next? Getting Shawon Dunston's corpse to pinch hit off the bench?

Apparently it's not enough for Denicola to lie about Giants fans shooting Dodger fans (when it's clearly the other way around). Now, his "team" has made the strategic decision to simply grab players from the Giants' reject bin. It's really too bad that the Dodgers couldn't have just waited to fire Jim Tracy until after next season. Then they could have truly completed the Giants tribute show by hiring Dusty when he's canned in Chicago after this year. (See that was fun, I made fun of Tutaj's team too.)

Anyway, sorry to beat a dead Lau with another Giants-Dodgers post, but this needed to be said.

Chicago is for lovers ...

I have been telling you all along that Kobe never raped that that girl. How did I know. Well, clearly Kobe is gay. And his new lover: The Bulls' own Janero Pargo. Look at Janero just going right after the ass right in front of everyone. Thats bold. Real bold. Seriously, though ... this is one of the most blatantly homosexual poses I have seen on film since Frodo and Rudy were eye humping each other in Lord of the Rings.

Drinky Drinky

Hmmm,
Mixing Mad Dogs? Decent little idea that is. I give many a prop and regret that this Edisonian revelation did not occur a year or two ago. However given our current locations, its about as exciting as the career forecast for good ol' Marshal Mathers now that he and Kim are going to get remarried. Cool Durminem. So I got to thinking, what if the god of drinking wanted us to mix drinks, would he send forth a prophet? Moses mixed up the rock and his staff and got some good old water to come out of it. JC took it one step further: mix some water with divinity and boom you get some rockin wine to keep the wedding party going! Seems to me like the one omnipotent God does have in mind for us to make drinks. The only problem is that we need someone to open our eyes.

Gentlemen, as in my fine tradition of progressiveness (credit Toledo and its forward thinking... speaking of which the Nazis will be back in town this weekend!) I have been chosen to deliver a great message of mixing that has come down from on high. It goes as follows:

"There I am, standing in the aisle trying to decide which fantastic flavor should tantalize my taste buds tonight, when I hear a noice. I look up to see Lt. Blender himself. The noise I heard was coming from some sort of hand painted tribal musical instrument nestled in his pocket. From head to toe, the globe trotting lieutenant's entire body was adorned with a plethora of souvenirs he had collected from his most recent adventures. He only smiled as he revealed to me his latest assortment of mixtures. My mind reeled with excitement as I quickly examined each bag.

"With so many choices, I can't decide which one to get?" I stated, my mouth now watering.

"Then buy only one? Grab a couple and try a little from each, you can always throw the bag in the freezer for later. You can even create your own flavors by mixing them up. Let me know if you come up with something!"

With a smile and a wave he was gone. Have you seen the Lieutenant."

With those good tidings, not only did this one of the Magi bring us wisdom and blessings, but he also brought inspiration (mixed blenders? ridic feat of strength to survive brain freeze? sugar rot?) and gifts. Caspar of Tarsus, Melchior of Persia and Balthasar of Saba brought gold, myrrh, and frankincense. Behold what the Lieutenant of Blender bequeath upon us:



Oh yes, the nog a log is everything you hope it would be. Just like the bag says, add liquor & water, shake, freeze & squeeze.

So what do we have here? It looks like a seasonal drink that will rival the McDonald's Shamrock Shake? It only asks for some spiced rum, some brandy, and some icebox lovin? I'm pretty sure that when it comes time to consume it this holiday season if you ask me what I think, my response will be "I'm lovin' it."

Mad Dog Martinis

Why have we never done this before? Mixing two Mad Dog flavors into one crazy concoction seems just too great an idea to pass up. Not only would it be fun purely for the sake of doing it, but because you can come up with all sorts of crazy new flavors. Like these:

Purple Rain + Lightning Creek= Thunderstorm and Lightning. The forecast for the night: A Mad Dog storm of ridiculous proportions ... drifts in and out of consciousness with 2-3 inches of vomit accumulating overnight.




Tangerine Dream + Lemon Ice = The Wet Dream. Satisfaction is sure to ensue. You may or may not wet the bed, but you will undoubtedly pee on something you aren't supposed to.

Spiked Melon + Blue Raspberry = Bling Sting. I realized that all along I have been trying to find out which of the bling flavors is better. The good people at Mogan David clearly never meant for this. Why make the two battle when mixing them together is an option? I am betting the result will weigh you to the floor like Mr. T's jewelry. I wonder what color this would be. After all, blue and green makes yellow ... or is it blue and yellow makes green, or ... ahh whatever.

And this is just the beginning. With so many flavors, the possibilities are endless. And really, why limit ourselves to just two. Try this one on for size:



I call this one Red Tide. All these flavors are so bad by themselves, that mixing them has to be an improvement. Plus, like red tide in the ocean, I am pretty sure swallowing too much of this is poisonous. One Giant Cooler + Four Red Mad Dogs = Yum. Or better yet, one giant punch bowl at Durm's reception + Four Red Mad Dogs = dece trick, and a dece party!




Stax and I have decided we are all going at least double duty at Durm's wedding. So take your pick, and it's on.

--DeNicola

Let's end this pointless banter, Mikey

I was trying to avoid Dodger-Giant rivalry banter on this blog. Considering that it, in reality, has been the longest lasting, most balanced, and most meaningful rivalry in all of baseball ... this would merely turn into Mikey and I arguing forever.

I could clearly bring up the fact that the Giants haven't won a world series since the mid 1900s ... oh, and I believe that was the New York Giants. Props on following the Dodgers to California, though. It has really worked out for you. You almost got that world series in 2002. You were really close. Seriously. That must have been rough.

All I wanted to do was state the incontrovertible fact that Barry Bonds is a cheater. Mikey had to get angry and throw a temper tantrum. But this is not surprising. When it all boils down, the Giants and their fans are just angry little people.

Pretty dece sure that is not one, but two Giants players attacking Dodgers with bats. Two! Are you serious, Giants? Not only is Marichal attacking Roseboro with a bat, but he hit two other Dodger batters with bean balls earlier in the game. Was a retalitation ball thrown at him before all this you may ask? Nope. Just two Giants acting like the creeps they are.

Was the Giants fans lust for blood satisfied? Apparently not. Now, they just shoot Dodger fans in the parking lot of Dodger Stadium! After a game the Giants had won! No. Bad Giants Fans. Bad. You don't do that. No world series wins for you. Bad. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/baseball/mlb/09/20/bc.bbn.dodgersfanshot.ap/

To summarize: The Giants organization is the worst collection of players and fans that sports history has ever seen. Not only do they suck at the sport, but they have zero class while doing it. Shoulda stayed in New York ... at least they would fit in.

The Shot Heard....where?

Oh, that's right...

AROUND THE WORLD.

The Dodgers: Forever the brunt of every baseball joke.

Barry Bonds is a dirty cheater

MQE82: its not cheating if everyone does it, its called leveling the playing field
MQE82: steroids for all i say

Typical Giants fan. Tutaj once told me he thought Barry was actually a white guy that looked dirty. Turns out he is just black. Stax may indeed be racist, but I can see where he would make this mistake. Barry is indeed a dirty, dirty cheater. Cool team USA having the dirtiest cheater in American history on its team. Let's just sign up Benedict Arnold, Richard Nixon, George Bush, and Pete Rose at the same time.

Anyway. No arguing or ranting here. Just making people aware of some things going on in my life.
1) I am quite entertained by my desktop wallpapers. While I love the one of Nocioni writhing in pain after being hit in the balls, I have recently switched. Here is the new one:Well put.


2) I was doing some research on half life and decay, and ran into this:
Someone saw themselves on the decline in the late 90s and needed a boost. Whoops, Barry. Whoops.



3) I have recently been running a little low on t-shirts in my wardrobe. But I found some really cool ones, and was wondering if anyone wanted to jump in on a bulk order with me?


They also come in black.










4) I just checked my iTunes song counter. While no single song nears the ridiculous number of One Shining Moment on Stax's playlist, there was one that was heads and shoulders above the rest. Feel free to check it out:
Everyone Hates a Cheater